FINALS WEEK

So the title is pretty self-explanitory. I have finals next week for my first semester in college. I hate the fact that I've let my grade in Biology slip up. :/ ButI better focus on my other subjects to make sure I don't sacrifice one for another again. I have two exams tomorrow, one for Pre-Calculus and one for Chemistry. I'm so nervous for both of them since I haven't been in class in almost a month. I've been having to adjust to how my body has been deciding to shut down on me lately.

I was admitted to the emergency room over a week ago. Sorry for not filling you in. I woke up ready to board a plane when I had intense pains in my stomach. It felt like there was a balloon expanding in my rib cage and it felt hard to breathe. My mom drove me to the emergency room where they saw me, asked me the usual questions. It was the first time I was ever in an emergency room where they laid me down on a stretcher and I was genuinely scared. They gave me an ultrasound before administering any medication. I'm pretty sure the woman taking my ultrasound was pressing as hard as she could on my gall bladder. I was in constant pain for 2 hours at that point. There was no dwindling of pain, or any moment of relief in-between spasms I was getting. Just the consistent feel of something trying to break my ribs from the inside. I went back and they finally gave me pain medication. I got an IV and honestly, I fucking hate needles. They gave me morphine and for me, it felt like I had been paralyzed and there was a long hot wire forcing its way up my right arm, across my chest, down and up my left arm and continued this way into my other ligaments. I felt this throughout my entire body for the first what seemed like 30 seconds. Followed by it, was a wave of cold air all over.

My mom suffers from migraine headaches. Every woman on my moms side does. Going to the emergency room a couple of times a month was a normalcy to my family ever since I could remember. We knew how the procedure went. Mom wakes up complaining and in pain, my dad getting up after only an hour of sleeping after getting back from work at 3 am. Me and my brother get up and put shoes on, grab a pillow for the car ride and something to do. Drive a half hour out to Bellflower at 4 am on a school day. Arrive at the emergency room and wait for two hours. Once 6 am hit, I had to get to high school for 0 period since I was in band. Me and my dad would drive back while my brother just came along for the ride since he'd go back with my dad. I'd get home, me and my brother would get ready for the day, and my dad would wait until I got picked up by a friend to take me to school and I'd go, while at the same time, him and my brother would be on their way back to the hospital to pick up my sedated mom to bring her home and drop Andrew off at middle school by 8 am.

That was the majority of my high school experience. I missed a lot of school due to this and my own illnesses. Now that I'm in college, my brother is in high school and helps my mom more than I ever could. Most of the time, I was part of the reason she'd get a headache from worrying about me breaking the family curse. What's the family curse you ask?

Well... It's necessary that you know a little backstory. My dad, Romeo, (haha, I know. Now shut up. -.-) got his first girlfriend knocked up while he was 18 and he never graduated high school because he became a dad to my older now ex-communicated brother Adrian Torres. Then, my dad left his mom because she went crazy on him and planned on getting knocked up to keep him, but instead he left her and started paying life support. Then he met another woman, and made way for my older sister Melody whom I love dearly. Her mom was crazy too so he was paying child support for two kids when he met my mom. My poor mom met both his son and daughter and married him before having me. Now, I tell you this so you know, this only runs on his side of the family. My mom never finished high school because she needed to take care of herself, and her two sisters from starving so she only made it to the 10th grade. My dad was just a knuckle-head and became a dad instead.

Now, the curse, is that no Torres child has; graduated high school, made it to 18 without a kid, or went to college. My dad had a kid, got his GED, and went straight into manual labor. Adrian, had a kid, never graduated high school, and dropped out of trade school. My sister was close, she was knocked up, but she still graduated from La Serna high, barely passing after failing her first two years at another school. But you know, I love her and I love my nephew James. Plus, she went to community college for a bit but couldn't handle it with her son and got a couple of jobs instead. So what did I do? I graduated high school with honors, I do not have a kid, and I'm a freshman here at Whitworth University.  I may be struggling a bit, but I'm doing the best on my own despite how much I've gone through this first semester already. So, I broke the curse. It made me trying to have a boyfriend very difficult in high school but I don't need one anyway. It wasn't ever like I was going to find my future husband at the age of 17 anyway. Oh and I graduated at the age of 17. haha. That could have had a part in why I broke the curse, I don't know. All I know is that simply being here is an accomplishment for me.

Now to the main topic of finals.... Fuck. I'm so unprepared. haha. I have finals for chemistry and pre-calculus. I have to do a visual argument and research paper for my writing class. I'm only worried about chemistry to be honest since I suck ass when it comes to science. Not being able to go to class since I've been put on all this medication and now have a restricted diet really bugs the crap out of me. I will make 2nd semester count though. <3 I will only be doing gen eds but I will be doing them in my favorite fields of study. :) I'm looking forward to finals. I will do my best and get through it all. Until we meet again,

GOOD LUCK!!!

bis später mit liebe, -Julsie <3