Sticks and stones

So I have this friend. Most of you probably know who he is. But if you don't, don't ask. Anyway, he and I are supposed to be taking a pretty long break from each other. I don't really know how to deal with this besides writing it out on this here blog. Which is what this blog is for... my feelings, so deal with it. He'll get mad at me for talking about him, but I really just don't care anymore. Honestly I felt like I was being used but I was doing the same to him so I shouldn't feel that way. It's my fault and I accept that. It was just a bad situation we both needed to get out of. So that part of my life is done for a while. I haven't told him I loved him lately because frankly, I just can't afford to feel that way anymore. I mean, I have love for him. Is that a bad thing? To have love for someone but to not actually be in love with them? I don't think so... I believe you can love someone and be in love with someone else. Different types of love exist, it's just hard to explain it to people some times.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about today was... crap. I can't remember. Let's go off on another tangent. My past relationships have all been less than okay. I mean, I've only ever had two serious boyfriends. My first one was my first everything. My first milestones in my life were all with him and I was really young. Yay for living with bad choices!- Said no one ever. As for this most recent one, I tried to be friends with him but it just wasn't ever going to work. He knew that, but I apparently didn't. He was so intent on making sure it wouldn't work out as friends. he couldn't get past the fact that we were "exes", which is fine, but he went in with a mind set that it wasn't going to work and so it didn't. Whatever. I was so intent on keeping him happy because I convinced myself that if I could make him happy, then I would be too. I was suffering by my own hand. My own doings. And I blame myself. Maybe I wasn't the best I could be. But I can't say that, no. I know I deserve better than how I was being treated in return.

It would come to the point where I would tell myself that if I can make him smile, maybe I wouldn't feel so badly about myself because I'd be what he was smiling about. But then I remembered things he'd say, the things he'd do with other people that he would never tell me about. He figured if I didn't ask, he wouldn't be lying. He would just be keeping secrets. I'd find out on my own that he'd intentionally ignore me to go hang out with his friends, or to be with someone else. He defined our "relationship" in such a way to where he could do whatever he wanted, even if it meant being with another girl and I'd have no right to say or ask about it, even though he would still have relations with me. He made sure to keep me a secret in his life. Well fuck that. This guy... He'd never invite me anywhere with his friends. I felt like he was ashamed of me all the time. That I wasn't worth the time or effort to be put into making a relationship work. Seriously, how fucked up am I that I try to do all I can to make someone happy, but when it comes to me, I'm not worth fighting for? I felt like that. Every. Single. Day.

I thought  if he really wanted to be with me, he would be. I shouldn't feel this terrible if I love someone. I was going to make a bold move. I was tired of worrying about him, about who is he with? Is he okay? I really hope nothing bad happened to him while he was driving.  I try not to come off as that clingy girl, I genuinely care that much about people, it's not just him. That's just how I am. Even if it's an acquaintance, I think,  I really hope they're safe on their way home. I'm just caring in that way. I don't care if it comes off clingy, that's just me. I wanted to say, choose me or lose me. But he never let me ask. He wanted to lose me. He wanted no part of me until he didn't feel he needed me anymore, everything was always on his terms.

He was homeless, friendless, hopeless. What did I care for that? I stuck through everything with him and I wasn't worth the time or the effort to even be given a chance to prove that I could help him or care for him... That's what I get though right? That's exactly what I get. I deserved it. I know. I was just an ex, I wasn't actually enough to be considered anything more than that. Here I am, just an 18 year old girl who's in college in a different state, with her own set of problems to work through. I understand that. Maybe I'm a little too understanding. Please keep in mind, I'm just venting. I'm not looking for criticism, I'm not looking for help, or comments. But since this is public, I suppose I deserve feedback of the sort and should expect it. I suppose I deserve that too. I don't deal with things lightly. I don't just waste time with people for the hell of it. No. I genuinely love and care for him, but I need to stop wasting my energy on something that will never happen. I need to accept the reality and stop hoping. Hope. Such a wasteful thing in life. I don't ever want to rely on hope. It's let me down far too often. All it does is make a cliff even higher, so when you fall, it's even harder. Me writing this is part of that process. If I can write it out, then I can come to terms with it.

I had a tough childhood. I've had things happen to me that were unwarranted by no means of my own, but I try not to let my past dictate my future. So I put aside those feelings of self-loathing and hatred that I have towards myself and create a new outlet... I love people and cherish them. Everyday I honestly pray to the Lord saying thank you! Please let everyone be okay. Bless them if not me, and guide me in through this life. Please, don't abandon me. I reflect back through the day before I sleep thinking, "If I die tonight, will I have left everyone on a good note? Will I leave everyone I've come into contact today.... with a smile?" I think that every night. I care about people. I really do. And if that's clingy, then fine, so be it.

I shouldn't let that define me. I let it get the best of me though. I always blame myself first to give people the benefit of the doubt. To say I'm the problem, because if I can fix myself then everything will work. But this time, it's not me. It's the situation. It's just more harm than good that comes from my knowing him. I would cry because I felt I wasn't worthy to be loved or cared for. I would cry because that's the only way I know how to deal with this. I don't whimper, I don't scream, or yell. I just let the tears roll down. I comfort myself because I'm the only person i can count on. The reality is this, that I was just an object to be used. I'm a woman after all, it's part of society's nature to objectify women because that's just how it works. It happens. I honestly felt that way for the longest time. That it was all my fault. That I'm the reason for my own unhappiness. I had no one to blame but myself. Which is true, yes. I should have let him go a long, long time ago. But I let my heart get the best of me. I actually am glad I acknowledge this, because there will come a day where I won't feel that way. When I meet my soul mate. The one He has in store for me. I just need to wait a little longer.

I know I probably sound like a whiny bitch who didn't get what she wanted. Well, I try not to come off like that. I try not to be that way. Honestly, this is written entirely out of heartbreak. Out of sadness and out of shame for letting it happen to me again. He's proved time and time again that he's just like the rest of them. I will stop settling, because it's obviously, not worth it. I deserve better than to be someone's fallback when things get rough. I deserve to have someone actually try to make me happy. I think I do anyway. It helps me, because I hope to be someone who is worthy of that when the time comes. I want to be able to say, "I love you," and not need to hear it back to know that they love me too. I just need to wait. These sticks and stones break my bones, but bones will heal, the heart just takes a little longer, but that too will heal in time. I just need to wait.

FINALS WEEK

So the title is pretty self-explanitory. I have finals next week for my first semester in college. I hate the fact that I've let my grade in Biology slip up. :/ ButI better focus on my other subjects to make sure I don't sacrifice one for another again. I have two exams tomorrow, one for Pre-Calculus and one for Chemistry. I'm so nervous for both of them since I haven't been in class in almost a month. I've been having to adjust to how my body has been deciding to shut down on me lately.

I was admitted to the emergency room over a week ago. Sorry for not filling you in. I woke up ready to board a plane when I had intense pains in my stomach. It felt like there was a balloon expanding in my rib cage and it felt hard to breathe. My mom drove me to the emergency room where they saw me, asked me the usual questions. It was the first time I was ever in an emergency room where they laid me down on a stretcher and I was genuinely scared. They gave me an ultrasound before administering any medication. I'm pretty sure the woman taking my ultrasound was pressing as hard as she could on my gall bladder. I was in constant pain for 2 hours at that point. There was no dwindling of pain, or any moment of relief in-between spasms I was getting. Just the consistent feel of something trying to break my ribs from the inside. I went back and they finally gave me pain medication. I got an IV and honestly, I fucking hate needles. They gave me morphine and for me, it felt like I had been paralyzed and there was a long hot wire forcing its way up my right arm, across my chest, down and up my left arm and continued this way into my other ligaments. I felt this throughout my entire body for the first what seemed like 30 seconds. Followed by it, was a wave of cold air all over.

My mom suffers from migraine headaches. Every woman on my moms side does. Going to the emergency room a couple of times a month was a normalcy to my family ever since I could remember. We knew how the procedure went. Mom wakes up complaining and in pain, my dad getting up after only an hour of sleeping after getting back from work at 3 am. Me and my brother get up and put shoes on, grab a pillow for the car ride and something to do. Drive a half hour out to Bellflower at 4 am on a school day. Arrive at the emergency room and wait for two hours. Once 6 am hit, I had to get to high school for 0 period since I was in band. Me and my dad would drive back while my brother just came along for the ride since he'd go back with my dad. I'd get home, me and my brother would get ready for the day, and my dad would wait until I got picked up by a friend to take me to school and I'd go, while at the same time, him and my brother would be on their way back to the hospital to pick up my sedated mom to bring her home and drop Andrew off at middle school by 8 am.

That was the majority of my high school experience. I missed a lot of school due to this and my own illnesses. Now that I'm in college, my brother is in high school and helps my mom more than I ever could. Most of the time, I was part of the reason she'd get a headache from worrying about me breaking the family curse. What's the family curse you ask?

Well... It's necessary that you know a little backstory. My dad, Romeo, (haha, I know. Now shut up. -.-) got his first girlfriend knocked up while he was 18 and he never graduated high school because he became a dad to my older now ex-communicated brother Adrian Torres. Then, my dad left his mom because she went crazy on him and planned on getting knocked up to keep him, but instead he left her and started paying life support. Then he met another woman, and made way for my older sister Melody whom I love dearly. Her mom was crazy too so he was paying child support for two kids when he met my mom. My poor mom met both his son and daughter and married him before having me. Now, I tell you this so you know, this only runs on his side of the family. My mom never finished high school because she needed to take care of herself, and her two sisters from starving so she only made it to the 10th grade. My dad was just a knuckle-head and became a dad instead.

Now, the curse, is that no Torres child has; graduated high school, made it to 18 without a kid, or went to college. My dad had a kid, got his GED, and went straight into manual labor. Adrian, had a kid, never graduated high school, and dropped out of trade school. My sister was close, she was knocked up, but she still graduated from La Serna high, barely passing after failing her first two years at another school. But you know, I love her and I love my nephew James. Plus, she went to community college for a bit but couldn't handle it with her son and got a couple of jobs instead. So what did I do? I graduated high school with honors, I do not have a kid, and I'm a freshman here at Whitworth University.  I may be struggling a bit, but I'm doing the best on my own despite how much I've gone through this first semester already. So, I broke the curse. It made me trying to have a boyfriend very difficult in high school but I don't need one anyway. It wasn't ever like I was going to find my future husband at the age of 17 anyway. Oh and I graduated at the age of 17. haha. That could have had a part in why I broke the curse, I don't know. All I know is that simply being here is an accomplishment for me.

Now to the main topic of finals.... Fuck. I'm so unprepared. haha. I have finals for chemistry and pre-calculus. I have to do a visual argument and research paper for my writing class. I'm only worried about chemistry to be honest since I suck ass when it comes to science. Not being able to go to class since I've been put on all this medication and now have a restricted diet really bugs the crap out of me. I will make 2nd semester count though. <3 I will only be doing gen eds but I will be doing them in my favorite fields of study. :) I'm looking forward to finals. I will do my best and get through it all. Until we meet again,

GOOD LUCK!!!

bis später mit liebe, -Julsie <3

Short Story I Did For One Of My Friends

“Goddamnit Ana!” The cacophony of plates shattering onto the floor echoed around the room, tears were streaming down Ana’s cheeks, and the bruises on her arms were starting to throb. She trembled, trying to keep her whimpers down as she hid in the closet, while she watched Derek in a fit of rage. She crossed her arms and prayed that God would rescue her from this beast, this monster of a man. Another plate shattered, some cups too, Ana’s favorite china set, and they all covered the floor. The fragments glinted, reflecting the anger in Derek’s expression, and the horror in Ana’s eyes. It wouldn’t be long before he came into the closet looking for more objects to break. He stormed off into the next room and what was in actuality a few minutes seemed like hours as Ana stayed as quiet as she could, waiting for the storm to pass.

            Derek marched back, throwing open a drawer over where Ana was hiding. She could see the shadow of his figure from the slit she could peer out of. The arched back being formed as Derek bent over, opening a beer bottle off the corner of a nearby dresser. He guzzled it down, then another, and another. She watched as he calmed down, his anger no longer being fueled by the thoughts of Ana running away from him. He sat in his chair, wiped his forehead, and ran his hand through his now greasy hair, made so by the perspiration and dirt from his face. Ana stayed as quiet as she could, her heart racing, refusing to calm as she remained in the same room as him. The beads of sweat on her forehead dripped into the corner of her eye and stung. She watched him sway back and forth as he reached for another two bottles of beer.  Reaching for the sixth, he belched, swallowed it, and threw the bottle against the wall. Ana feels tempted to sob, to let out her feeling of helplessness or to scream. She repressed it. For the sake of her child, she stayed in the closet, refusing to let him harm her and her baby any longer.

            He got up and knocked his chair over. He wiped his hands on his wife-beater, so properly named, and staggered toward the door to the backyard. His steps grew softer and softer as Ana listened for the sound of a creaking door. A slam startled her but calmed her soon after. As she felt it was safe to come out, she lightly tip-toed over to the back door and locked it. With the deadbolt in place, she carefully and ever so quietly made her way upstairs. On the first step she felt dizzy, ready to pass out, but she tightened the laces around her running shoes and made her way to the master bedroom. Ana knew what she had to get to survive the next week on her own. She quickly grabbed the smallest suitcase she owned and threw in the necessities for a long walk to town. Her mother’s wedding band, pajamas, and a few clothes to keep her warm through the cold nights ahead. What little she did own fit snuggly in her second-hand suitcase. Though the house was lavished with luxurious belongings, the only pieces that resembled Ana’s existence remained in a few drawers in her bedroom.

            She tucked her hair behind her ears and head, and as she went to look in the mirror she saw herself for the first time since that dreadful morning. Her eyes were swelling up, red and dried out from the tears shed that day. Pale white skin reflected back from the spotted mirror. Her hair was a tangled mess from being whipping around so often, and the bald spots underneath, near her neck were bright red.  She reached up with her nimble fingers and bruises on her wrists were the perfect shape of where a hand once clasped. The cuts on her temples and cheeks where he hit her so often were covered with dry blood. She brought her suitcase with her into the bathroom and checked outside to see Derek in the moonlight. His body in a drunken stupor as he fell to the ground and was crawling on all fours like the animal he was.  She washed her hands and a moistened a towel in the sink and patted herself dry with no success in aiding the wounds on her face. The numbing effect of the cold water dropped the heat being given off from her skin. Terrified to look in the mirror again, she used her makeup to conceal her injuries, trying her hardest to fix her appearance to the best of her ability.

When she looked up, there had been no difference. The color was flushed from her cheeks, her eyes now swollen in their sockets from the constant rubbing and touching. She had never felt beautiful and felt at this moment, she never would be. She pulled her hair back and wrapped it in a bun.  She looked around on the table, and every now and then she glanced out the window, this time she saw Derek slithering his way to the toolshed. She knew how he was when he was sober; it was even more frightening when he was drunk. He somewhat knew his limits while he was conscientious of what he was doing, but when he drank, there were no boundaries, no difference between something being dead or alive.

            She went back to packing her things; a medicine bottle here, some bandages there, and she was sure to be careful about the way she organized her items, so as to ensure that everything would fit in the small leather case. The feeling of paranoia overcame her. She could sense something was missing as she looked around. She bent down and started fumbling through the objects under the sink, hoping to find anything she may end up needing on the trip. She heard a slight knocking on the downstairs door, but assumed it had been a neighborhood cat. She knew her husband, how slow he became once the alcohol poisoned his mind. She had a sense of control. That everything was going to be okay once she left this morbid excuse for a home.

            Footsteps came running up the stairs, loud thumps progressed and a thud on the floor followed. Ana looked outside and Derek was gone. He was near the top of the stairs, she could feel it. She closed the door and locked it, throwing her toiletries into her suitcase as fast as she could there was a loud rapping on the door. He found her.

            “Ana! Open the goddamn door Ana! I wannaseeyou. Open the fuckin-door!” The bangs got harder as he pounded his fists on the wood. She panicked and threw open the window. She tossed her suitcase out and saw it fall with a dull thud to the ground. The bangs grew into misguided kicks in the door. The sound of a shotgun firing was all that registered in Ana’s mind. She wrapped one leg around the windowsill and then another. She lowered herself onto the garage off to the side, beneath her. She dropped down and then again onto the wet grass. She grabbed her suitcase and ran as fast as her weak body would take her, into the forest that surrounded their Victorian estate. The swampy feel of the lagoon nearby thickened the air and made it worse for her to breath despite her fragile condition. She had the will power to make it to town, at least to seek help from her old friend Mary. She reached the fence when-

SHICK-SHICK… CHOOM!

            She stopped in her tracks long enough to recognize the noise. She knew the sound of that shotgun and the blast it makes before it finds its victim. She hurried. Her mind was racing,

What am I to do? Where am I to go? If I go to Mary’s he’ll find us. What if he hurts her too? I can’t  lead him to her. Who knows what he’ll-

            She tripped over the roots of a tree. Her side hit the tree and she whimpered out in pain. She lay on her side. Grasping her now bruised ribs, she forced herself to get up and keep moving. She could no longer hear the sound of her husband chasing after her. The sense of relief overwhelmed her as she treaded through the night.

I hope you enjoyed it! Please take a moment to like this blog on Facebook. It's new and I'd appreciate some support and feedback. :) Enjoy!

Piercings, Concerts, Clubbing

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Hey! So I know I haven't written in here for a while, but I am finally getting a chance to sit down and fill you guys in on how I'm doing... Thanks so much for getting it up to over a thousand hits on the last post! You are so awesome. <3 I appreciate you so I hope to become a better writer so you can have more interesting stuff to read. 


Piercings... So recently I turned 18.... whoop whoop! I decided that as a gift to myself, I would get my ears pierced. A few times. haha. So. I decided to get one on the top inner portion of my ear, plus an extra one on the bottom on both sides. I'm definitely going to get addicted though probably not anytime soon. I'm going back to get a third one on the bottom as soon as I feel ready to... probably in a week or so. I personally just like the way that studs going up the side of someone's ear looks. 
it's like when us girls use the cat-eye eyeliner. It's just so pretty.

Concerts... I've been to a couple so far. This one I went to more recently, called Remedy Drive was really cool. Their music is modern and it's not as Christian-y as I thought it would be. With Whitworth University being a Christian Liberal Arts school, a lot of the music acts are presumably Christian. But I've been surprised so far. These guys were so chill and super nice. I worked their merchandise table for them and I had a blast doing it. It makes me miss Los Angeles even more now.

The band member I really got to know and hang out with is named Dave Mohr. He's the guitarist and he's super chill. He's from Chicago, Illinois and he's on tour with the band at the moment, heading to Montana next. I really recommend that you should Like Remedy Drive on Facebook! Listen to some of their music and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. Also, if you get the chance, do not pass it up to volunteer at concerts or to work for them. It's so much fun and rewarding.

Clubbing... I'm going to be doing that this saturday with my best friend Eduarda. She and I have gotten pretty close and she actually is with me when I write most of my blogs. haha. I'll definitely do a post on her one of these days. I've been trying to decide what's best for going out. Dressing up or down from jeans and a tee. I see these girls and they wear almost nothing... and then they complain about how cold it is outside... Yeah. So, I avoid that. I wear jeans, some heels, my leather jacket. and I recently dyed my hair red so I try to utilize that to my advantage. haha. I love bright colors on people. Well as long as it's not like yellow, or green... ew. But yeah, I've been working out a lot but I'm nowhere near the shape I wanna be just yet. So off to the gym I go!

Stories? Perhaps. Maybe not.

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The light breeze in the hot summer afternoon was cooling under the old willow. The long stems of leaves running down around Helena provided a sense of security as she clutched the old photos of those she loved. The edges were burnt and the gloss contained a film of dirt and ash. She could smell the smoke drifting in the almost absent air.

She felt another presence nearby but couldn't place her finger on what it was. She looks up. Terrified, she stays quiet as to not disturb the figure standing behind the curtain of green. She's petrified and cannot move. The sweat gathers on her forehead while she pulls the pictures close to her heart, hoping to keep them safe from the figure. 

He moves. A bright shine bounces off the object in his hand and glints in Helena's eyes. She closes them and focuses her attention on hearing the footsteps of the man. He treads lightly so as not to be seen with the bloody stains he has on his shirt and hands. The crunchiness of the dead grass sounds as he finds his way toward a nearby fence. 

He's closer to her now. Helena's eyes remain shut and she holds her breath as he passes by. 

The man never notices her, though she felt his eyes pass over her more than once in the time she had been sitting under the old tree. Why was he there now? What brought him to her safe place? She had run as fast as she could from the fire and there was no way he could have seen her. His footsteps are gone, but the rapid beating of her heart hasn't slowed. She opens her eyes and exhales a sigh of relief as the sound of the footsteps had disappeared. 

She wishes she was brave enough to open her eyes sooner and be able to see the man. She wouldn't be able to describe him anymore than that shadowy dark figure who held the sickle in his hand in blood stained clothes. She unfolded her legs and leaned against the tree. Where would she go now? Who could she turn to? She's a mile away from the nearest town and no one knew who she was. 

She brought the pictures away from her chest and looked down at the polaroids that were all she had of her past. The only boy who truly loved her, her best friend in overalls and shaggy black hair who sat beside her when her mother died all those years ago. His green eyes were the jewels of her childhood and the only distinguishing features she could remember about him before she was taken from him. 

In another, a quarter of the square had been missing. The top right of her mothers hairdo was singed away and the smile she had seen ever so often was etched on the grain. It was odd to see herself so young, as she marveled at how tightly her mother held her on her lap. That old dress had been saved for her and waited for Helena in a trunk beneath the barn, hopefully untouched by the fire. 

The last of the photographs was of her darling sister who she knew was safe since her grandparents had taken her before the darkness came over their lives. Helena would have never been able to prepare herself for what her life, what little of a life there was, would have been like since the death of her mother. Helena and her sister had only known each other for a short time before she was taken as an infant. The father couldn't stand the sight of her little sister, knowing that she was the cause of the death of his wife. It didn't help anymore that Helena was the spitting image of their darling mother, Francesca. 

No one knew the torment she would experience following the birth of Samantha. Her mother was known for her loving nature and she had the essence of one of those women you come across who has such a welcoming smile and lights up any room. Her loveliness surpassed any amount of ugliness in the world. The father didn't deserve her and had stolen her from his brother. She had never known the story behind her planned marriage, she didn't need to know, and would never known. 

Helena had fallen asleep under the willow and had woken up in the dead of night surrounded by darkness. She had grown accustomed to not having any dreams at this point and it never bothered her that her imagination had been locked away and kept inside since that first dreadful night that she had been abused. Her only focus now was to find a way to town and find someone who could help her. She fastened the photos in her bag and examined the contents one by one. A small bread roll, an apple, a small cooking knife, the letter she got from her best friend Jeremy, the 134 dollars she had been saving up since she was 6, a small whistle, a flashlight, and now her treasured photos. She contemplated the options that remained for her and what she needed to do from now on. She was alone now and her first priority was to find the only person besides her mother who loved her. Jeremy should be close by; according to the address on her letter. She tucked her unwanted memories and the chilling past into her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and walked out from the safety of the willow and into the night...

Bouldering Accident and Just Desserts

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     So 2 weeks ago I went off-campus and I went bouldering. It was actually really sick, a lot of fun, and kind of dangerous. I fell a good 20 ft, plummeting to the ground but I'm okay, I obviously survived. I have no broken bones and I'll try to explain exactly everything that happened... Well, at least all the non-boring stuff anyway. Haha. It was a pretty nice Saturday morning and I was on my way across campus to meet up with some people who were going bouldering that day. For those of you who don't know... Bouldering is basically where you tackle the task of rock climbing giant rock formations, except you don't use any rope. You basically head out into the woods with a pair of climbing shoes and hopefully a safe and portable mattress pad to land on. I happened to not be using the the afore mentioned, mattress pad. I have to say I think I was pretty good at it. The problem was that I went to climb this rock formation that I had seen others climb. I reached the top of the structure and was trying to figure out a way to pull myself up without falling backward towards the earth. I had already reached the top and the placement where I was originally holding onto with my feet and my hands: right hand, top right perfectly placed rock that I had a great grip on, the right shoe on a ledge, the left on another and my left hand on another nicely placed rock. I reach up with my left hand to grab hold onto another ledge, and as I released the rock, the tiny ledge under my right hand gave way and I fell. I landed in some bushes and I just sort of laid there for a moment, absorbing what had just happened. I fell on my side and nothing hurt immensely. I even landed on the rocks, just my luck.

     But I was able to get up with a little help and I only had minor lacerations and slight bruising but I had a round of applause for taking it and not making a fuss about it. I consciously made the decision to climb without any safety gear, without a matt, and without anyone to spot me. I didn't make a big deal when I fell and I didn't want anyone else to either. I took it and I expected no apologies because it was all my own doing. So... With that, I'm kind of glad I fell. It would have been cool not to but I had something interesting to talk about when I went to All Tied Up. haha.

     All Tied Up was pretty much a blind desserts (sundays that were to die for <3) date where the men in the hall would put their ties in a bucket and then all the girls would just grab a tie and be paired up with whosever ties they got. I chose a nice satin, deep purple tie because I honest-to-God thought, "This reminds me of my black best friend." haha. As you can see above, I was paired with an RA named Josh. His hall theme.... was Batman. It was freakin' awesome being able to geek out with someone I had JUST met. We're both musicians and he's a Junior. He's a pretty sick guy and I'm glad I was able to connect with him. :) To the left, you see some lovelies who we were also with.
 Everyone had a great time at the Cour de'Lane Resort. :) I'm glad I was able to share this with you! 
Until next time, Love, -Julsie <3

College Guys and Girls

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There is a DRASTIC difference between the two. I've always believed in a saying about the two,

"Boys will simply want things to happen for them, but men will always make it happen."

and one of my all-time favorite,

"Men with good intentions make promises. Men with good character, keep them." 

I have yet to meet a quality man who can follow through with the above. I know, I'm young but honestly, I can't wait until that day comes. What do I know about "men" right? Well I'll answer that in a few weeks. I'll definitely come back to that.

College Guys

So there's this thing called the "Fungeon" and it's located under the wing I currently reside in at my hall. It's basically the basement with about.. oh say 15 guys or so. They're the guys who throw parties but they're also pretty awesome. A few of my friends live down there and they're a handful. haha. I've made more guy friends than I did girl friends. A few tips to guys AND to girls about ways to befriend the opposite sex.

Girls

• Look at the area and sit next to a guy! Sometimes they're busy of course, but you can tell if they are or not about 85% of the time. Just be friendly and go for it!

• Bake/cook food! As sexist as it sounds, the community kitchen is a great place to be. The smell of freshly made goods are always inviting. Just be sure to make more than one serving. 

• Hang out in common areas and be where people can see you and be open to talking to others. 

• Ask the other person and simply listen to their interests, and see if you have things in common. Also, if you're in a dorm, leave your door open. It seems more inviting and people are curious to see what's behind it. 

• Don't make hints to guys. They won't pick up on it. Just try to be casual about what you want to talk about. It's a kind and sensitive way to talk to people and make sure you can talk about something you both can relate to. 

     Examples of topic questions:

          Where are you from? What's your hometown like? Have any hobbies? Favorite subject? Music? Favorite food? These are all surface level questions that don't necessarily dig deep so as to not make the person feel uncomfortable, but it starts off a great conversation.

Guys

        It's harder to give you specific guidelines since I'm not a guy, but I'll tell you what I see happen a lot and what the input from my friends say. 

• There are certain situations where a girl is okay to talk to. Think of this, if you see them out in public and they might be working on something, just ask what it is and see if you can help. If they're in public, it's more likely that they are hoping to talk to people instead of being in the library or their room. 

• If she's walking by as though she's on the way to class, just say hi and smile. That's it. They don't need to know you at that point, they're going to be late for class. But she's more likely to recognize you later if you two meet again. The little things matter. Especially if she makes first contact, capitalize on that. 

• Say she's sitting somewhere alone, make a good impression. The best way to give a first impression is to smile, or give a nice compliment. Girls love compliments FYI.

• If you're both in class, sit next to her! Be friendly, definitely be helpful, and if she needs a partner... Offer your awesome skills of whatever subject you're in. Haha.

• NEVER APPROACH IF NUMBERS ARE GREATER THAN 3. Proceed at your own risk. 

Well that's the  best I can do for now. Don't forget to email me HERE. :) Thanks! 

Love,

-Julsie <3



*With help from Nicholas Gosselin, Hope Barnes, and Nicholas Lee. :3

One of THOSE Lists - Enjoy?

First off, like this blog on Facebook! I love writing for you so let me know if you like this or not. :)

Rule #1: If you open this you take it.

Rule #2: You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.

Rule #3: Post Publicly

Answer: True or False

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? True

Q: Been arrested? False

Q: Do you like someone? True

Q: Held a snake? True 

Q: Been suspended from school? False

Q: Sang karaoke? True

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? True

Q: Laughed until you started crying? TRUE on multiple occasions haha

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Not yet!

Q: Kissed in the rain? Kind of. o.o

Q: Sang in the shower? True

Q: Sat on a roof top? True

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Nope!

Q: Broken a bone? Never

Q: Shaved your head? NO

Q: Played a prank on someone? True

Q: Shot a gun? Not yet. :3

Q: Donated blood? False

Last Person

1. You hung out with? Juan Carlos

2. You texted? Travis

3. You were in a car with? A gal from my hall

4. Went to the movies with? Hmm... I think it was me, Natasha, Steven, Brendon, Candice, and Andres.

5. Person you went to shop with? Ian

6. You talked on the phone?  Mindy

7. Made you laugh? Jordan

8. You hugged? Ian

Answer truthfully

1. Sun or moon? Luna

2. Winter or fall? Winter for sure!

3. Left or right? Right

4. Sunny or rainy? Rainy

5. Where do you live? Spokane, WA

6. Club or pub? Clubbing, all the way

7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? Not really. I think it depends on who you are.

8. Do you want to get married? Yeah

9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl, who the fuck cuts their spaghetti??

10. What time is it? 2:45 pm

11. Are you afraid of commitment? Nope

12. What is your greatest hope/wish? To be with one person who wants to be with me.

13. Do you cook? Yup!

14. Current mood? Tired

15. Color of underwear? Red

In the last 48 hours, have you

1. Sang? Haha, yeah

2. Listened to music? Shower tunes!

3. Danced crazy? Hell yes

4. Cried? Naw

5. Liked someone you can't have? Not that I know of. :3

25 firsts

1. Who was your first prom date? My old friend Andres

2. Who was your first roommate? MINDY!!!

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? HAahahahahahaha. I don't remember.

4. What was your first job? Officially; a dental assistant

5. What was your first car? The one I drove, a Ford 

6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? My grandpa 

7. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Barber!!

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Washington DC bitches.

10. When you snuck out of the house for the first time? Hahahaha. About 2 months ago.

11. Who was your first best friend? Dakota Merriles

12. Who was your first best friend in high school? Umm, Andres Manzo

13. Where was your first sleepover? I think at my house

14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? I try not to bother people but probably Andres

15. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or groomsman? None yet

16. What is the first thing you did when you got up this morning? Checked my phone for texts

17. What was the first concert you went to? I honestly think it was a country music christmas concert

18. What was the last concert you went to? Noah Gunderson and some other chick

19. First tattoo or piercing? My ears, and will probably get more piercings but not tattoos.

20. First celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake <3

21. Current celebrity crush? Justin Timberlake <3

22. First crush? Jonathan Villarino! HAHAHA! I have horrible taste in guys

23. Current crush? .... TH. That's it.

24. First time you tied your shoe laces? Umm, in first grade when I didn't have velcro shoelaces anymore. haha

Seven  names you go by: (all out of order)

1. Baby J

2. Juls

3. Juliette

4. Julsie

5. JT

6. Hollywood haha

7. Roommate

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. T Shirt

2. Soccer Shorts

3. Underwear

Three things you want very badly at the moment:

1. Someone to help me with my freakin' homework.

2. More viewers

3.  Cigars or cigarettes

Two things you did last night:

1. Danced like a rockstar lol

2. Smoked a couple of swishers

Two things you ate last night:

1. Homemade fish sticks from my friend Eric

2. Leftovers

Two people you last talked to on the phone:

1. Mindy

2. Ian ahahaha

Three things you are going to do tomorrow:

1. Hopefully sleep

2. Read/study

3. Play pool

Two longest car rides:

1. New Mexico

2. San Diego

Favorite beverages:

1. Water <3

2. Chocolate milk

3. Arizona <33

4. Naked... the red one haha

Weight, College, and Lovely Life

First off, like this blog on Facebook! I love writing for you so let me know if you like this or not. :)

     Pretty sure I've already gained my freshman 15. I'm so nervous about getting to the gym and seeing my current weight. But I will do it. I will go and confess to myself about how overweight I am. I turn 18 on the 24th of October so I want to try to lose 18 pounds by then as an awesome birthday gift to myself. <3 I'm really hoping I can do it. I need a little bit of encouragement though. I can't always do things on my own. So as for my weight issue, I will be doing my best to eat healthier and always take water over anything else, plus going to the gym and exercising. I'm pretty sure I can handle that. Yoga will be my best friend too. I need to take it easy on myself so I don't strain myself. The last time I weighed myself before I came here, I weighed about 200.8 lbs. That's just, soooooo bad. I mean, I look like it. It'll definitely help my self esteem if I'm able to do it. :) 

     I had my first couple of examinations for college already, one for Pre-Calc (because I'm not that smart with math), one for Chem 161 (Which I SUCK at), and then I had one for Bio 140 (Which I can't remember much of). I go to my classes but I get sick very frequently, and when I get sick, I get fucking sick. It's just terrible! There's absolutely no fucking good reason for it either, I drink juice and I have no allergies or anything medical like that. I just get sick.... It sucks. But anywho, my profs are really accommodating but I just feel bad because my parents are helping me pay for this 44,000 dollar education and I miss class because I get a bad flu or cold about once a week. This was the situation in high school as well and part of the reason I missed about half the year due to illness. Whitworth University has such amazing and understanding people but I feel so bad missing all the time. 

     Besides that, a lot of stuff has been happening in my nonexistent love-life. The guy I like, most likely has no idea I like him, which kind of sucks considering we only have one class together and I really want to invite him to go to homecoming with me. I'm pretty sure something will happen to where someone else will ask him and I'll just get rejected like a loser.... Going with friends is always fun. And the things that are going on with the guy I USED to like, are just.... not going great or good. We were best friends and then we dated which I will say was pretty awesome if you just take away the drama haha and then we became friends again. But I mean, I'm no longer in his life and he's no longer in mine really, but he was my best friend and it's really hard being that one friend out of your group of friends who goes to an out of state school. I've been able to keep up a little since facebook allows me a morsel of information as to what's going on in my hometown. But I mean, I really don't know anything unless my friends tell me. What little friends I do have back home anyway.

     I know I shouldn't complain, I mean.... I'm a freshman in college. What do I know? Right? But hey, if you'd like, send me an email, anonymously of course. You can catch me at my email address. It's here so go ahead and write me anything you'd like. Of course I'll read it and hopefully no one will spam me but I'm just curious as to who actually reads my stuff. I can handle criticism pretty well but I'm also open to suggestions. So yeah, leave a comment, send an email, and/or +1 my blog. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading. <3

Also, follow me on Instagram! @julsie_t :)

I Wrote My First Newspaper Article!!!

First off, like this blog on Facebook! I love writing for you so let me know if you like this or not. :)

The Whitworthian, that's the name of the school paper I write for. I'm a staff writer for the Arts and Culture section. It's pretty neat. I focus mainly on Outdoor Recreation and the Lifestyle section. But yeah, I'm a college freshman here at Whitworth University. And I now live in Spokane, Washington. :) I know, I know. I know NOTHING. haha. But I"m learning. I'm currently taking Bio 161, Chem 140, Writing 110, and Math 150. I'm starting to realize just how much free time I actually have. I'm going to see about making videos since I need to do homework. haha. I hope you enjoy reading my stuff, I'll post my articles here as well. :) So here's what I said. <3 Enjoy!

Whitworth Professor Talks About Revive Coffee

By: Juliette Torres 

Dr. Jason Wollschleger, Whitworth sociology professor, and his wife Tonya, opened up a coffee shop on 6704 on North Nevada St. Suite 1 on June 1. 
 

    “I was always on the hunt for a little coffee shop,” Tonya said. “Our realtor found one, but we didn’t love it.” 

     Tonya had her own idea for a café so the beginning space she had to work with was a letdown at first, but soon, Tonya and Jason would take over the shop in the spring and on June 1, and transform it into Revive Coffee. 

     Tonya was not pleased with the aesthetics of the shop; she knew there was work to be done. Tonya’s taste in decor comes from an interest in a naturalistic surrounding with things such as wood, stone and textiles in order to promote a more home-like setting where people can feel comfortable. Jason spent hours just trying to change the paint color after work, and created an entirely new feel for the place. Additions to come in the near future to the shop will include a bar where students will be able to come and plug in electronics as they study. 

     Jason is not only a professor and shop owner, but he is also the dad of two roller derby girls who play on a local team, the Lilac City Pixies. Current displayed in the Revive are roller derby paintings, provided by a local artist, Henry Stinson of Pullman WA. The paintings cover an entire wall of the shop shows an interest in the sport from the owners and currently being featured is a Dita Von Death, an all-chocolate muffin named after a local derby girl from the team the Lilac City Roller Girls, the women’s division of the sport.

     Jason and Tonya are also both very environmentally conscious. They use recycled products, are completely paperless as they only use electronic receipts and use organic ingredients that are bought locally so they can give back to their community. 

     “We create the flavors ourselves,” Tonya said. “So what’s cool about our drinks is that we actually use real ingredients like pumpkin in our pumpkin chai while other places only use spices. Though we pay more for ingredients, we keep costs down because we have such great products.” 

     Whitworth senior Katie Traylor is Jason’s research assistant and started visiting Revive Coffee frequently, eventually started volunteering, was offered a job and currently bakes in the evenings for Revive.

     “It’s a great place to work,” Traylor said. “Tonya is driven and creates a comfortable environment, it’s an inviting place where people are welcomed, and cared about. That’s why we have so many regulars, because we care for our customers.” 

     Jason said that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, there’s a good chance his students could have their professor be their barista. Students at Whitworth will receive a 15 percent discount. So stop on by and try Jason’s favorite Americano, Tonya’s homemade pumpkin chai, or any one of their various menu options.